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As parents, we often find ourselves navigating the delicate balance between encouraging healthy eating habits and respecting our child’s appetite.
One common mealtime dilemma is whether to insist that a child finish their plate of food.
A new poll for the British Nutrition Foundation found 37% of parents always or often make their children eat everything on their plate, with a further 23% sometimes insisting children finish everything they are served.
As discussion around healthy eating and portion sizes continues to evolve, we have spoken to some experts about what parents should and shouldn’t do to help their children develop a positive relationship with food…
What could the consequences of forcing a child to eat everything on their plate be?
“Children who have to complete everything on their plate at all times can go on to have difficulties recognising hunger and fullness cues, and feel controlled around meals which can lead to emotional and eating difficulties later,” says Dr Joan Brunton, clinical director for eating disorders at mental health care provider Priory.
Fiona Yassin, family psychotherapist and founder of The Wave Clinic, agrees and adds: “Using phrases like ‘clean your plate’ or ‘just one more bite’ can be problematic.
“If you force your child to eat more, you’re forcing them to ignore their natural brain receptors and overeat.”
How could this impact their relationship with food?
Parents’ words and actions can have a massive impact on children’s eating behaviours later in life.
“Of course, parents and carers do not mean to harm their children in their everyday words, but it is important to acknowledge the impact words and actions can have on a child,” says Yassin, who also specialises in eating disorders. “They may have a negative impact on their behaviour, confidence and identity as they grow into adolescence.”
Introducing consequences into mealtimes can be problematic.
“If there are other areas of strong control and punishment around not sticking to the rules in other areas of family life, this is more likely to lead to emotional problems further on in life,” explains Brunton. “Whereas if relationships are good, portion sizes are appropriate and varied, children are helped to develop their individual choices as they get older, it is likely to not have much impact.”
Meanwhile, Yassin also believes that phrases such as ‘Eat it up or you won’t grow big and strong’ should be avoided.
“By implying the optimum goal of eating is to ‘grow big and strong’ you are reinforcing a message that food has only one purpose. Therefore children may believe food is not there to be enjoyed,” says Yassin. “In addition, this sentiment may cause a child to feel a sense of failure if they do not eat everything on their plate.”
Should we trust children when they say they are full?
It can be really difficult to work out if a child is genuinely full or just doesn’t want to eat the food.
“If a child is leaving small amounts of different foods it is more likely that they are full and it would make sense not to push them to complete,” says Brunton. “However, if they are leaving large amounts of important nutritious components of food this can be a problem, so try to understand why they are leaving the food and find a way to help them eat a balanced diet.”
What should parents do instead?
Encourage them to eat until satisfied
“Let your child listen to their natural cues so they don’t offset their own body rhythm,” advises Yassin. “It’s important for parents to teach their kids to eat until they are satisfied, not until their plates are empty.
“The idea is to encourage kids to acknowledge and respect the satisfying feeling of being full.”
Create a calm atmosphere
“Stress around mealtimes can make eating issues worse and make children realise the ‘power of food’ in gaining parental attention,” highlights Brunton. “It is important to try and approach the issue calmly and listen to what your child is saying.”
Introduce them to new foods, but don’t expect them to like everything
“Young children need to be taught a healthy, varied diet but you also have to look at their individual tastes,” says Brunton. “It is good to trial new foods but very strong flavours can be difficult for some children to tolerate.
“It can be better to have a reasonable amount of meals they enjoy, complete and are healthy, rather than expecting them to like everything.”
Gradually introduce choice
“Choice helps people develop a sense of identity, learning who they are, what they like, and being able to choose the amount of food you eat can be part of this,” highlights Brunton. “Very young children need strong guidance around developing healthy eating patterns, and once learned, the reigns can be handed over and more control given to your child.
“Allowing children to take the portion they want and eyeballing it seems reasonable, and can be a good way to approach this process.”
